Humorous Writing Tips

  1. Make sure each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
  2. Just between you and I, the case of pronoun is important.
  3. Watch out for irregular verbs which have crope into English.
  4. Verbs has to agree in number with their subjects.
  5. Don’t use no double negatives.
  6. Being bad grammar, a writer should not use dangling modifiers.
  7. Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
  8. A writer must be not shift your point of view.
  9. About sentence fragments.
  10. Don’t use run-on sentences you got to punctuate them.
  11. In letters essays and reports use commas to separate items in series.
  12. Don’t use commas, which are not necessary.
  13. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  14. Its important to use apostrophes right in everybodys writing.
  15. Don’t abbrev.
  16. Check to see if you any words out.
  17. In the case of a report, check to see that jargonwise, it’s A-OK.
  18. As far as incomplete constructions, they are wrong.
  19. About repetition, the repetition of a word might be real effective repetition – take, for instance the repetition of Abraham Lincoln.
  20. In my opinion, I think that an author when he is writing should definitely not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words that he does not really need in order to put his message across.
  21. Use parallel construction not only to be concise but also clarify.
  22. It behooves us all to avoid archaic expressions.
  23. Mixed metaphors are a pain in the neck and ought to be weeded out.
  24. Consult the dictionery to avoid mispelings.
  25. To ignorantly split an infinitive is a practice to religiously avoid.
  26. Last but not least, lay off cliches.

I publish to be read. It’s the only thing that interests me about publication. So I employ all the strategies I know to capture the reader’s attention, stimulate curiosity, make the page as dense as possible and as easy as possible to turn. But once I have the reader’s attention I feel it is my right to pull it in whichever direction I choose. I don’t think the reader should be indulged as a consumer, because he isn’t one. Literature that indulges the tastes of the reader is a degraded literature. My goal is to disappoint the usual expectations and inspire new ones.


New Project

StarshineSitting out in the hammock one eveninga, staring at the stars, an idea came to me. It formed and formed some more, and in just a few minutes I knew I had another project. I’ve code-named it “Starshine” for now. This story involves the stars and plays with the notion that we’re not being told everything about space, technology, and those “oofohs” that everybody’s always talking about.

With Starshine, I am using an outline, something I did not do with S7.  I have had a fear of outlining – my previous attempts fell flat – so I was pleasantly surprised when it finally clicked and I was able to jot down the scenes, see the characters form, isolate conflict points, and generally massage a story into existence… all in outline form. Talk about a feeling of control. With S7, I was at the mercy of the muse of the moment, and divining plot and structure was an inexact science. With this outline, I have only to flesh out what I’ve imagined, allowing me more time on character, motivation, and keeping plot/action on target. In short, an outline gives my writing immediate purpose and more definitive satisfaction.

I’m enjoying the difference in both the process and the results. Starshine is more alive and fluid than S7 in its first draft form and will be much easier to edit and to read.


expectationsThere are a few basic expectations a reader has from a story. One is that it will move them, somewhere – in either the world, in their mind, or in their heart… preferably all three. Because reading is escape, movement is a necessity. Therefore we know that pace and progression are key elements to a good story. Another basic expectation is direction. A writer who is lost during the writing will inevitably lose his reader, as well. The sense that one is being led somewhere is essential, and the de facto trust is that it is somewhere meaningful. A writer who writes without a meaningful journey and even more meaningful destination will injure his reader. An injured reader will not likely return for a second trip. These basic expectations must be honored and attended to by any writer. If they do, their chances at success are increased a hundred-fold.